I don’t know if its the stress being lifted over deciding to leave the Army, the fact that I have daily vicodin, or the new bed that allows me to actually sleep, but I have been getting up at 6 am like its no big thing. And I really like it. Just that much more time to indulge my OCD tendancies of overplanning things….. this morning I’ve been checking out “green” houses, for the house we really want to build in oh……a long time aways still. And I’ve been having dance party and coffee while waiting for Ken to get home from formation. We’re attending a seminar about scoring a federal job, which is the whole goal for getting out of the Army for us.
This morning aside, I have been really unexplained depressed lately. Crying spells, anger spells, the whole bit. I mean I know its hard dealing with my body literally falling apart, and the fact that I have terrible self esteem, and we have several big outside stressors, but I feel like I am going unusually crazy lately. I feel like all this change, even the good sets me into a spiral of confusion….and that which we don’t understand brings anxiety, another friend I know all too well. I’m not sure if maybe I need to try different meds, see my therapist more, or what. I could do the latter two if my therapist/shrinks office would at least call me back. Don’t you think its dangerous of a practice that specializes in helping the batshit insane, to not keep up with when their clients reach out and call them for help? Maybe it’s just me. But I seriously feel like I might go postal on them at any moment over all this.
ok, something good…. think of something good for the day….. Ken’s with me all day and I’m surrounded by my two very faithful furry beasties.
Owning The Crazy 